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"Six Power Steps"
© 2003 Stuart Goldsmith
The following power steps structure your thinking to
make sure the actions you take will drive you towards
success.
Power Step 1 - Be in Charge of Your Life
Caring what other people think of you puts them in
charge of your life, instead of you.
'What will other people think of me?' slavery is
extremely common. Most of us are brought up
(rightfully so) to consider others. But, unless we are
discerning, we soon find ourselves caught up in a job
we can't stand, or living in a relationship which makes
us unhappy, or getting caught up in the spiral of
poverty.
'Trying to please other people all the time' syndrome
begins in childhood. It stems from a desire to be
liked and admired. Let's look at a fairly typical
scenario: three boys, Fred, Joe, and Matthew, all five
years old, are best pals. They fight to sit together
at school and spend their breaks in a group. Fred
comes to school one day with a stack of pokemon cards
to show his friends. Joe is envious of Fred's
collection and a fight breaks out when Fred refuses to
give a prized card to Joe.
There are several resulting scenarios, all with serious
implications for Fred's future. A teacher could break
up the fight and make Fred feel guilty for not parting
with the prized card. Joe could refuse to talk to
Fred even ending the friendship, unless Fred relented.
Matthew would side with either Joe or Fred, or be a
peacemaker and force the other two to discuss the
problem and sort it out amicably.
The biggest danger to Fred, is if the solution entails
his giving the card away, when he really doesn't want
to. In other words, if the only reason he gives in, is
because he desperately wants to be liked and it really
matters what his friends think of him. If they were
real friends, of course, Joe would understand Fred's
view and Matthew would not criticise. Fred might even
willingly offer Joe another not so valuable card out of
his collection.
Over the years thousands of small incidents build up,
until by the time we are adults, most of us make a
habit of putting what other people think of us before
our own personal needs and desires.
The Right Reasons
Before you cut the grass, decorate the house, start a
business, go on holiday, always ask yourself, 'am I
doing this for the right reasons?' Yes, the gardening
has to be done, but not if you're in the middle of
crucial market research and if you don't cut the grass
today you're worried that the neighbour's will think
you're lazy. Yes, a house has to be decorated, but not
if it's at the expense of your health through shooting
your stress level through the roof trying to fit it in
between a busy advertising campaign, and it's only
because your partner insists you do it now.
'Other people' slavery kills your creativity, your
energy and drive towards your own goals and fulfilling
your dreams. It stops you from going to places you
want to visit and enjoying the kind of entertainment
that you enjoy. So, make certain you're not always
driven to do things, merely because you're worried
about what other people think of you. Be confident in
who you are!
Power Step 2 - Strive to Be Different
Nearly everyone you know will strive to be normal -
because it's socially acceptable. But the normal
person goes nowhere special and achieves the mundane.
Using a fictitious character called Norman, here's an
example of his normal expectations of life and mediocre
results:
'I live in a pleasant neighbourhood in an average house
(translated as meaning: all the houses and gardens
along the street look exactly alike, apart from the odd
differences in plants). I own an average car (just
another standard box on wheels, which apart from minor
differences looks like nearly every other car on the
road).'
Norman's other goals and ambitions: 'I save up all
year round to take my wife and children on holiday,
somewhere nice where it's safe. We usually book a
package holiday, so everything is taken care of and we
know exactly what to expect. Even the entertainment is
all planned for us.
My job is boring, but it pays the bills and the pension
is good. It'll never make me rich, but then I don't
want to be rich (but he wouldn't give away a lottery
win!). Anyone who's rich has had to lie and cheat
their way to the top. I like to sleep at night with a
clear conscience. I may not have much but at least
it's honest toil.
I don't have much to do with the neighbours; I don't
really like them. But, to keep the peace I mow my lawn
once a week and keep the garden weeded and tidy, and do
the odd job for them. I like to think they view me as
a nice guy.
Every other weekend we visit our best friends, Alice
and Paul, and they visit us alternate weekends. Like
us, they're your average typical family. Most nights
after work I shower, change and after dinner, put my
feet up and watch television until bedtime. Every
Sunday, we have a roast dinner and every Friday we
treat ourselves to a fry up. Am I happy, well, it's
life isn't it?'
That's how Norman thinks and lives his life and that's
how many people live their life. The Normans spend
their days, grumbling about how they hate their job,
get fed up with their bosses and partners, but that's
all they do. The same gripes day in and day out - but
taking no action to change their situation, simply
because they are slaves to being normal (and 'what will
other people think of me, if I do something unusual?').
Living in the Fast Lane of the Elite
Let's compare Norman's goals and ambitions with another
invented character, David. He's one of the smaller
group of people who move forward and live the life of
the elite and privileged.
'My philosophy on life is simple. Life is too short to
be little. I'm not concerned with what other people
think of me. If all my neighbours want to cut down
their hedges and build short brick walls and block pave
their drives, that's their choice, but I'm not going to
have it done just to please them. I like the trees so
they're staying and I prefer to have a shingle drive.
I've done everything possible to make our house
individual.
Often, I ring Sarah from the office and ask her to
forget about cooking dinner for that night and how
about going out for a meal? We've tried all the
restaurants within a twenty km radius.
We both love holidays, and I take the family as often
as possible. We spend most weekends, exploring new
places and trying out different activities.
I love my job, it's very challenging being a manager.
I get to meet and work with people of many different
personality traits, from varied backgrounds. Every now
and then a junior is obviously aiming to take my job.
I don't find it threatening, I like the challenge. I
enjoy working with intelligent people who stretch my
potential.
I work hard and I am paid well. Do I feel guilty? No,
I expect to be paid handsomely for my efforts, I
wouldn't have it any other way. We live in a large
house in an exclusive area and that's my reward for
going the extra mile at work. I don't automatically go
home at the end of the working day. And sometimes I
arrive at the office as early as 6am, just to prepare
for a meeting with my team.
I want to be rich and I am prepared to plan and work
towards my goals. I look forward to the future. I
don't know what's around the corner and I don't care,
because whatever happens I will handle the situation.
I know I can solve problems - my strength lies within,
it does not come from any outside forces. I couldn't
care less whether other people approve of me or not, I
know I'm okay and that's all that matters.'
Two Opposing Philosophies
Norman's slavery to acting normal (and slavery to what
other people think), creates poverty and unhappiness.
While David's striving to be different (and refusal to
be a slave to other people's expectations of him)
creates wealth and happiness.
If you are ever tempted to query if David's attitude is
not a tad selfish, then just ask yourself this
question, 'who would you prefer to have as a friend?
Norman, who's bored and unhappy or David who's exciting
and happy?' Easy isn't it.
Power Step 3 - Look to the Future
If you dwell on your past mistakes your creativity can
crash to a grinding halt and you will be unable to move
forward. Losing is good if you interpret it correctly.
Demonstration Example: A friend of mine told me how a
number of years ago, an acquaintance of his, approached
him with a spectacular lead about a stock that was
certain to triple in price in the next few weeks. The
price was $7.45 a share. So, despite his misgivings he
bought 200 shares. From that day the stock dropped.
Finally eighteen months later he decided to cut his
losses and sell.
He sold the stock for a huge loss at a grand total of
$413. He could have let this one bad experience drive
him from ever investing in the stock market again.
However, this wise man explained, he was glad to have
learned such valuable lessons.
It taught him:
1. Ignore the guy who wants to give a hot tip.
2. Check into a company carefully before buying.
3. Sell if it starts dropping too much.
Education of the Highest Merit
Don't regard mistakes as mistakes. It ceases to be a
mistake and loses its power to hold you back if you can
learn to be glad that you've not failed but learned
valuable lessons in life. That attitude will help you
to build future successes.
Lost a job? You probably weren't suited, so take the
time out to decide what you really want to do. Built a
business and then it crashed? Perhaps you don't like
running your own business. Can't sell a product?
Look for the reason and then act. Either try out other
ways to sell it or scrap the product and sell a
different one.
Blessed is he who is not discouraged by mistakes.
Blessed is he who is glad he makes mistakes. Winning -
or losing - is a state of mind.
Power Step 4 - It's Never Too Late
Sadly, the following story is all too common: Bill
spent years training to be an engineer, although he
never really liked engineering. But he thought it was
worth the sacrifice because it was a highly paid skill.
After college, he started a job with an engineering
company. Years later he was still working at the same
company and still hating it. His excuse was with a
mortgage and family ties he was scared to leave the
engineering firm and go into a job with lower wages.
After twenty years he was still afraid to correct a
mistake made all those years ago. He was now too
scared to change jobs, simply because he'd left it too
late. He didn't want to compete with younger men
experienced at their job.
If you have a goal and you find yourself saying 'it's
too late', the only way to conquer that fear is to
ignore it and go ahead and do the thing you fear. It's
NEVER too late if you have the courage and the passion
to follow your dream.
Power Step 5 - Don't Crave Security
In ages past we accepted that life was full of
hardships. They grappled with huge animals in a
desperate bid to kill them for food. The odds were
simple; either succeed or starve, kill or be killed.
As civilisations discovered fire and then electricity
and gas to keep warm, bought food from markets and
built houses of stone, people became less willing to
deal with any unexpected events that threatened to turn
their cosy life upside down. So, insurance was
invented.
The idea of insurance is to cushion the impact of the
unexpected. In theory it's a good idea, but it has
turned our society into a population of security
seekers. It has weakened our strength as individuals
who know we can surmount any problem or situation that
life throws our way.
The stifling extent of this slavery is enormous. The
more security we have the less psychological freedom we
can enjoy and the less our chances are of success and
abundance.
Dare to Take a Chance
The only places to find security are a prison or mental
hospital. Inmates are assured a roof over their heads,
food and warmth and no responsibilities. The price tag
for this security? No freedom.
Unfortunately, it's all too easy to reel off a list of
bad things that could happen to us. For most people
it's easier than thinking of the good things that could
happen. People who crave security are slaves to a
vivid imagination that conjures up bad news items that
could happen to them, and they allow these images to
cripple their actions. Too afraid to start that great
business idea because of all the things they imagine
that could go wrong. Too frightened to sell up and buy
a larger house in another area because the house prices
could drop or the children won't like the new schools,
or... and so it goes on for an endless list.
Every child loves surprises and life is fun and
exciting because of this. As we grow up and we fight
for security, we eliminate the risks but in doing so we
eliminate the surprises and limit our chances to
achieve more than a humdrum life.
If you want to make sure you don't stifle your need for
excitement:
1. Dare to be individual.
2. Dare to develop your own style - instead of
following fashion.
3. Dare to study and work to improve yourself in your
profession.
4. Dare to have a positive mental attitude and the
courage to try.
In other words: Dare to take a chance.
Power Step 6 - I'm Certain to Win
Our minds drive us to achieve exactly what we believe
we're capable of achieving. This is good news because
once we understand this and master the art of
controlled thinking, then we can guide our destinies
towards success.
Controlled experiments over many years have proved that
children who are considered by their teachers, friends
and families to be 'troublesome or terrors' actually
end up getting into trouble with a high percentage
becoming juvenile delinquents. However, the 'good'
group of boys (in the same age group at the beginning
of a study) believed by teachers, friends and families
to stay out of trouble and succeed in school, go on to
do so. Each group of children achieve in accordance
with what people around them believe them capable of
doing.
The conclusion of many similar studies is this:
thinking does make it so. Only a miracle can make the
football team win who starts a game with the 'we know
they'll beat us,' attitude.
If you need to break the bonds of 'I'm certain to fail'
slavery:
1. Hold positive chats with yourself.
2. Surround yourself with positive people.
3. Think, 'I'm going to succeed'.
4. Think, 'I'm a winner'.
The only person you will have to convince is yourself.
Other people are automatically convinced you're great
and a success, after you have convinced yourself.
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